Life is so good.
I'll be honest and say I don't love working in the dining room. I mean, if we are all honest, who would truly say their dream is to wash dishes, clean up messes, and listen to people complain for a living? If I had the option to do something different I would probably take it. But I do love being able to serve in this way. I love my team and I love the mission of the ship and it's crew. And there is absolutely no question in my mind that I have been placed here to serve in this way for a reason, and I'm embracing that with joy.
I'm just beginning to allow myself to reflect on my last two years of Peace Corps service and actually feel it. It was so hard. Harder than I ever made it out to seem in my blog or even ever told people. And now in this season to be surrounded by amazingly supportive and loving people and to have a job as simple as washing dishes has been incredibly healing and desperately needed. I'm allowing myself to feel the hurt and anger and sadness I've kept mostly hidden over the last two years. I've started telling more difficult stories, not just the good things that happened (though there are many!) but also working through some of the bad things.
The biggest thing I'm working through right now is that over the last 26 months I was basically treated like absolute garbage by 90% of the African men I encountered. Women to them are property, without feelings or needs, treated without respect or any regard whatsoever. As a white woman I was often treated even worse. I've talked with many other Peace Corps volunteers who finished their service in Africa and the honest truth is that Peace Corps has made the great majority of us racists, despising African men.
God wasn't going to let me go back to America, life, the real world like that. Instead, I'm placed on a team where my team lead is a Cameroonian man and my team manager is a Ghanaian man. Awesome. Confronting the bitterness and anger that had built up in my heart in Benin was a painful process, and even admitting to these things in such a public space as this blog is kinda freaking me out. But it's important. Vital, even. Nothing is without purpose. I'm in process, bringing light to the dark places, to freedom.
I guess I'll end this very honest, introspective post now. And I choose JOY even thorough the garbage, through the difficulty, the mundane, and the tiring. Because happiness is a cheap imitation, and it's fleeting. I have joy, which is eternal, and worth it all.
I'll be honest and say I don't love working in the dining room. I mean, if we are all honest, who would truly say their dream is to wash dishes, clean up messes, and listen to people complain for a living? If I had the option to do something different I would probably take it. But I do love being able to serve in this way. I love my team and I love the mission of the ship and it's crew. And there is absolutely no question in my mind that I have been placed here to serve in this way for a reason, and I'm embracing that with joy.
I'm just beginning to allow myself to reflect on my last two years of Peace Corps service and actually feel it. It was so hard. Harder than I ever made it out to seem in my blog or even ever told people. And now in this season to be surrounded by amazingly supportive and loving people and to have a job as simple as washing dishes has been incredibly healing and desperately needed. I'm allowing myself to feel the hurt and anger and sadness I've kept mostly hidden over the last two years. I've started telling more difficult stories, not just the good things that happened (though there are many!) but also working through some of the bad things.
The biggest thing I'm working through right now is that over the last 26 months I was basically treated like absolute garbage by 90% of the African men I encountered. Women to them are property, without feelings or needs, treated without respect or any regard whatsoever. As a white woman I was often treated even worse. I've talked with many other Peace Corps volunteers who finished their service in Africa and the honest truth is that Peace Corps has made the great majority of us racists, despising African men.
God wasn't going to let me go back to America, life, the real world like that. Instead, I'm placed on a team where my team lead is a Cameroonian man and my team manager is a Ghanaian man. Awesome. Confronting the bitterness and anger that had built up in my heart in Benin was a painful process, and even admitting to these things in such a public space as this blog is kinda freaking me out. But it's important. Vital, even. Nothing is without purpose. I'm in process, bringing light to the dark places, to freedom.
I guess I'll end this very honest, introspective post now. And I choose JOY even thorough the garbage, through the difficulty, the mundane, and the tiring. Because happiness is a cheap imitation, and it's fleeting. I have joy, which is eternal, and worth it all.
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